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Category: Homeschool For Success
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Is It Me? My Child? Or the Curriculum? What to do when homeschooling frustrations abound
Happy November! Time for mid-school year self-evaluations! I sat down with Debra Bell for practical advice on trouble-shooting your homeschool.
This week we look at how to pinpoint the root of homeschooling frustrations, and 4 steps to help when the source of the issue is . . . you.
1.Trouble-shoot.
Heather Eades: Many of us are now several months into our school year, and re-examining the investment we made in the year’s curriculum. What are some questions to be asking through this process?
Deb Bell: We need to be asking, “What’s working, what’s not ? What do I need to adjust or flex to make the rest of the year a success and help my child feel successful? Give yourself permission to stop and take a break to pinpoint issues.
2. Shift your focus from a curriculum-centered plan to a child-centered plan.
HE: Can you share some personal experience you have in doing this as a home educator?
DB: When asked what homeschool method I ascribed to, I always said my homeschool approach was intentional and strategic. And in order to be that, you have to be child-centered. So, at this point in the year I would look at each of my kids, and I would take a day—strategic and purposeful—to sit down and think about, “How is each kid doing? Where do I see focus? Where do I see interest? And if I saw those things, then I knew, “It’s working; I don’t need to adjust.”
HE: And when did you know to make changes?
DB: When I’d identify where any of my kids were losing self-confidence, were discouraged because they couldn’t be successful, or where I saw a lack of motivation and interest. I always want each child to feel successful—I can’t overemphasize how important a child’s own sense of success and accomplishment is. That doesn’t mean a child should expect things to feel easy. Hard is good. But sometimes parents may persist with a curriculum or resource even when their children are failing, or their confidence is being undermined. Many parents don’t know what to do, so they just keep going. When kids are losing confidence, parents really need to stop and assess.
3. Set aside your timetable; adjust to the pace your child needs.
HE: If a parent has been pushing through a curriculum for quite awhile, without seeing gains, would you suggest backtracking–not being bound by a grade level?
DB: (laughs) I avoided buying resources that had specific grade levels for that reason. Dropping back might be an option, but just slowing down the pace often worked well for us. We can get very anxious about slowing down and moving at a pace that allows our children to be successful, but we really need to do that. Continually setting a pace that is beyond the child’s readiness is self-defeating. It only makes the problem worse. Whenever you’re undermining your child’s confidence, you’re actually making it much more difficult for that child to ever catch up or to ever like that subject. As a parent my goal is to make them confident in the subject. An inflexible schedule? That’s an issue with me. The schedule is not child-centered, and I need to change that.
4.Give yourself permission to use curriculum as a guide.
HE: I think many times, we parents feel like we have to keep pressing through a curriculum by the end of the year—we have to check all the boxes or we didn’t do enough. How would you respond to that as an educator?
DB: I think parents often feel like that! They feel like, “OK, we bought this curriculum, we’ve got to get through it by the end of the year!” But what many parents don’t realize is that as a classroom teacher, I never got through an entire curriculum in a year. Classroom teachers are very comfortable not doing everything. We’re picking and choosing, modifying (curriculum), not completing it. Give yourself permission to adapt, skip, or take a break.
Next post: Is It Me, the Curriculum, or My Child Pt. 2: What to do when it is your child.
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How to Homeschool Your Preschooler
All of us are homeschoolers for at least the first few years of our children’s lives (and I certainly concur with those who maintain parents are always their children’s primary teachers no matter how they are formally educated). So what is really important during these years, especially as it pertains to getting our kids ready for formal learning? There are a few essentials we can summarize from the research:
The soil matters – take two identical plants and plant one in depleted, dry soil and the other in rich, moist soil. Would you expect any differences? You bet. The same goes for kids. If you want to grow tomatoes, you need soil enriched with the nutrients tomatoes crave. If you want to grow a brain, then kids need to be planted in an environment filled with the food a growing brain feasts on. What are those nutrients? Well here’s my food pyramid for cognitive growth:
That’s the big 3. Language means “live” speech, especially interactive speech — not the television buzzing in the background. The latter’s a passive form of language acquisition and may provide some benefit if interactive conversations with caring adults are not provided, but it’s a poor substitute at best. Why language? Because preschoolers need language in order to “think” about the experiences they are having. Try capturing and storing an event in your memory where you do not have words to describe what you are seeing. Near impossible, right? That’s why human brains work so much better than animals’ – we have the words to capture those memories and pass them on to the next generation. Language is how we encode our experiences so we can learn from them.
30 million word gap. Do you think a difference that big might matter? That’s the difference in the amount of spoken language heard by preschoolers from middle class homes by age 3 and those born into poverty, a number of studies have repeatedly found. (Read the initial one here.) Is it the money making the difference? Not really. It’s the amount of interaction between these preschoolers and their parents and the quality of language the more privileged kids are hearing. The vocabulary is more extensive, the interactions are longer, and the range of topics broader. I know a lot of my readers may not consider themselves middle class. Actually plenty of us chose homeschooling because the cost of a quality education seemed out-of-reach. Well, it doesn’t take money, fortunately, to ensure our young children get plenty of nutrients to help their brains develop fully. Rather, we just need to mimic the actions of these middle class parents. Talk to your kids about everything, even things you don’t know a lot about. Let them hear you thinking aloud and pondering the mysteries of the world around you. Ask them questions to help them use the words they do have and acquire new ones. Beyond that, read aloud. This is the richest vein of nutrients you can mine to open up new worlds and give them words to think and learn.
Coming up: warmth, experience
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Making Memories Out of Milestones
One of the attractions of homeschooling is the opportunity to seamlessly fuse our children’s education with the rhythms of family life. One of the downsides, I learned, is children are never quite sure where they stand in terms of their educational progress.More than one of my four kids looked confused when a stranger asked, “What grade are you in, Honey?” When they were old enough to realize they could get rewards from local restaurants if they produced a report card, they held a summit and presented their demands:
We want a definitive answer on our grade placement. We further insist on report cards, recess, snow days, and back-to-school shopping trips. These are basic human rights.
In the early years, I was eager to throw off any trappings of a traditional education. My educational philosophy was learning all the time and the blurring of the lines between family life and the school day was an important part of living this out. It was a shock to end up with children who demanded that conventions be observed. In their view, they were being denied something of value. With experience, I came to see that many of these traditions create touchstone moments for kids—evidence of progress, achievement and maturity. While I loved homeschooling for its flexibility and informalities; my kids wanted a homeschool where rites of passage were duly noted and cultural conventions observed.
Fair enough, I conceded, I agree to your terms, but I’m drawing the line at report cards for French fries. We will mark those milestones that are noteworthy and establish some traditions of our own.
Now that my homeschool days are over, I have the benefit of hearing my adult children reminisce about their childhood and it is those traditions they remember. In hindsight, here are the takeaways I see from making those concessions:
- Establishing traditions in our homeschools create meaningful memories for our children. These, in turn, contribute to what they value about their family.
- Marking milestones gives kids a sense of accomplishment, and that produces motivation to keep exerting effort. Without recognition, enthusiasm can flag.
- Observing cultural traditions; such as snow days or participation in organized sports, gives our kids a point of connection with their more conventionally-educated peers. Few kids want to enter the broader culture without some shared experiences in common.
So what can we do to mark these memorable moments and make them meaningful? First, sit down and decide what kinds of memories you want to create with your children. Settle upon a few traditions you can achieve, especially those where the kids can help. Homeschool parents do not need more busywork or commitments they can’t keep.
Here are some ideas:
Back-to-School Shopping: During the elementary years, my kids were happy to get new backpacks, a supply of pencils and, for my daughters, the latest flair pens and markers. Even though we weren’t really going anywhere, those backpacks became a great place to keep their supplies organized and out of sight. A lot of deals are available this time of year, but some are reserved just for teachers. Most companies who offer these incentives will extend them to qualified homeschool parents. Just ask.
Once kids are pre-teens, then back-to-school traditions will surely include some serious clothes shopping. Here’s where you can kill two birds with one stone if you are shrewd: Most grandparents are looking for ways to be a part of their grandkids’ education – and at our house we made back-to-school shopping another opportunity for gift-giving (just for grandma!)
Take a Photo: One homeschool mom in our support group had the foresight to take a photo of her daughter posed on their front porch on the first day of school each year. Those charming pictures captured the history of her daughter’s fashion statements and youthful manias enshrined on each year’s backpack; from Aladdin to Lord of the Rings.
Kick-off Field Trip: This was our family tradition, started when my sons complained about missing out on riding a school bus. I said I’d go one better, and we instituted a surprise field trip, often an overnight, as the official start of each school year.
Family Recognition Night: Our local homeschool co-op ends the year with an awards ceremony that also doubles as a huge church social. Each family is given a table to display that year’s memorable accomplishments: 4-H awards, science projects, arts and crafts, photographs, creative writing or athletic competitions. Students man their tables and share their experiences with visitors and friends. We found creating a broader audience for student work increases the amount of effort kids put into the work they display. It is just one more way to maximize a learning opportunity.
The evening begins with a short program that features the musical or dramatic talents of some of the students; and the co-op teachers recognize outstanding achievements. The emcee also announces any distinguished accomplishments; such as, National Merit or Eagle Scout awards. The evening concludes with refreshments in the gymnasium. Family recognition nights are terrific PR opportunities to reassure your relatives; and it is a great way to end the school year on a high note by highlighting the progress each child has made.
Part 2 coming soon. In the meantime, how do you mark milestones at your house?
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Making Memories Out of Milestones (Part 2)
Call the Media: The bread and butter of your community newspaper is reporting on local school news. These folks will be more than happy to cover your homeschool events, too, if someone just takes the time to give them a call or shoot them an e-mail. Kids love to see their pictures in the newspaper and it lends legitimacy to your educational choice.Portfolios: It isn’t just homeschoolers who eschew grades these days; many conventional schools are shifting to portfolio assessments. This is a collection of a child’s best work in each subject area and sustained progress is the goal. Submitting an annual portfolio is required of homeschoolers in the state where I live, and what started out as a burdensome task for me became a treasured rite of passage once I brought my kids into the process. My children kept a file of their work throughout the year; as well as, lists of field trips, activities and books they’d read. The last two weeks of school were spent sorting through these files, selecting their favorite pieces and photos, revising writing assignments one more time and regluing or stapling projects back together. These were compiled in a 5” binder and decorated with a unique handmade cover. Now that my children are grown, those portfolios bring back a flood of warm memories – here’s where we documented how homeschooling and family life did indeed fit seamlessly together. It’s in the projects, photos and stories we’ve collected and catalogued here.
Celebration Dinners: One of the easiest and most meaningful ways to mark a special achievement or important milestone for a child (such as, learning to read or sitting for their first SAT or ACT exam) is to turn your family dinner table into a formal occasion. Prepare a favorite meal, ask Dad to make some formal remarks, have everyone stand and toast the accomplishment, clap wildly until the celebrant blushes; then post photos of the evening to your Facebook page. There are appropriate times to make a big deal out of each of our kids and focus the spotlight only on one.
Snow Days, Senior Skip Day, and Wear-Your-PJ’s-to-School Day: If your home school is anything like mine was, then you will not need to organize any of these events – you just have to be a good sport and go along with it when your kids declare they are observing these national holidays. That’s part of the rite of passage – school children in revolt against the powers that be. You can add to the thrill by initially acting perturbed by the interruption, but then join in the fun by showing off your snow fort building skills and the secret to making the perfect snowball. Senior Skip Day, in case you’re wondering, is a tradition now at our local co-op – the kids all head out for pizza while their siblings are left behind. And if you’re thinking Wear-Your-PJ’s-Day is every day at your house, then you can change that up by announcing a Dress Up day.
That summit meeting years ago triggered a shift in my approach to home schooling. My purposes were serious and weighty – a better education, I thought, an opportunity to infuse all of life with our faith and values. But my kids wanted a childhood marked by memorable moments of recognition, hilarity and shared experiences with their neighborhood friends. I’m glad they carried the day…because these memorable moments are now my cherished memories from homeschooling, too.
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Meet the Teachers: Lili Serbicki
In this video you’ll find out more about our AP Language and AP Literature teacher. Lili Serbicki also teaches creative writing and several summer courses.
Lili also has several videos explaining her specific classes. To view those go to her teacher page.
