Ernie is a fainting goat, who does in fact faint! Because fainting goats like to be in packs, Mrs. Gonzalez and her two dogs have to spend a lot of time hanging out with Ernie to make him feel safe and secure. (Always the good therapist!)
Positive Psychology is the study of the traits and conditions that contribute to human flourishing and well-being.
Positive psychologists focus their attention on our strengths instead of our weaknesses. This focus has been shown to improve our happiness and our success in reaching our life goals.
At Aim Academy, we make the tenets of positive psychology part of our academy-wide culture. We want our faculty, students, and families to flourish by equipping them with an understanding of their innate strengths–like grit, a growth mindset, and resilience.
One of the main ways we accomplish this is through webinars and classes taught by Bonnie Gonzalez, a licensed and practicing family counselor.
Q. Bonnie, tell us a bit about your background and your goals for your students at Aim Academy?
As I troubled high school student, I wished for a teacher to guide me through some tough decisions and to help me make wise choices about my future. After spending 30+ years “doing” psychology as a counselor, I decided to become THAT teacher for high school students – someone who would use the principles of positive psychology to help students learn about their thoughts and behaviors, and to make good decisions.
I have always believed that if you love a subject you will learn it! In practice then, as a teacher, my goal is to help my students love the topics in psychology and sociology. In my classes we study everything from the areas of the brain that direct our behavior to the influence of the people and groups around us as we make decisions and gain our motivation. My job is to help my students discover the “whys” of what we do, and then look at the possible ways to channel their behavior toward something that is worthwhile and good.
Q: What do you enjoy most about teaching for Aim Academy?
There are several reasons I love teaching at Aim Academy. First is the interactions with students and parents. The size of the classes allows me to fully engage with each student and with his/her parents. Working together with open communication allows me to plan my class for the benefit of each student’s needs. I also enjoy teaching with Aim because of the interaction with faculty members and the freedom to explore new classes that might be helpful to our student population. Our faculty is open to new ideas and new courses that benefit our students.
Q. What got you through the pandemic?
Throughout the past year, I have spent lots of time reading psychology books – I guess reading would qualify as part of my pandemic relief. The pandemic also allowed me to spend quality time with family (since we were only seeing each other), without the hustle and bustle of life. Our conversations and time together were delightful. Finally, I got through the pandemic by spending lots more time in prayer and some quiet reflection.
As a professional counselor, teacher, anhttp://debrabell.com/product/secrets-of-success-getting-things-done-for-teens/d former homeschool parent, I want to give you some information which will help you to navigate the emotional angst that often comes with homeschooling teens.
Teenage Angst and the Brain
As a homeschooling parent, you have been the market leader in the field of parenting – an expert at understanding the personality and learning style of your children. But now at the onset of adolescence, “the times they are a changing.” Teens are a “different animal” and it’s a “whole new ballgame.” From both a psychological and parenting perspective we have many theories about why our kids are suddenly risk takers, judgement-impaired, contrary, and unpredictable. For years we’ve heard that teen behavior is a result of early childhood experiences, peer pressure, hormones, and sometimes bad parenting. But the latest research suggests another cause—structural changes in a teenager’s brain may largely be to blame for the chaos.
Without going into a lot of technical terminology, recent studies have discovered that the brain does the bulk of it’s maturing between the ages of 12 and 20 (and in boys this may even extend into the mid 20’s). The prefrontal cortex, where most of our ability to calm our emotions and make rational decisions occurs is the slowest part of the brain to develop. So, yes, there may be a reason for the irrational behavior you are seeing in your adolescent son or daughter.
Wiring Through Homeschooling
Okay, so what does this mean to you, as the homeschooling parent of this wildly emotional, and often irrational, growing teen? First, there is some good news. Positive things such as sports, music, school achievement, and responsibility can be “wired” into that changing adolescent brain, by you as the parent and teacher. There is lots of room for change and second chances abound during this prefrontal expansion. The bad news is that if those teen years are filled with anger and alienation, these characteristics may too, get “set in stone.” Adolescence is an important time, and you have the ability to guide your teen through this time.
My caution to you is this: in this time of unpresedented brain development, many new and unpredictable thoughts and behaviors can arise. Often emotions and actions can outrun judgement capabilities, just like they did in early childhood. Teens find it difficult to process emotions such as anger and fear; and their behavior in the midst of this emotional turmoil, can be maddening. But remember, this behavior is not a character flaw, but rather simply a function of some confused wiring in the brain, which will eventually straighten out. The goal is to respond to this behavior with responses which will allow the teen to become well-adjusted. Remember the impulsiveness and risk-taking behavior are critical to growing up into an adult.
(Thanks to Michael J. Bradley in his book, Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy, Loving Your Kid Without Losing YourMind, for some of the scientific content in this article. Photo credit: Affen Ajlfe)
Around this time each year, the students in my Psychology
Class study the concept of motivation – why we do what we do. We explore the motivations behind hunger,
thirst, achievement and one of my personal favorites, the need to
affiliate. The word ‘affiliation’ is not
one that we use often, so let me explain its meaning. To affiliate means that we “flock
together”. It doesn’t necessarily mean
that we form a close, lasting relationship, but it does mean that we have a
need to be with others. Affiliation is a
type of social motivation. The need to
belong and the need for emotional intimacy are the other components of this
type of motivation.
As children and as adults we all require a certain amount of
quality contact with others to feel good.
In fact, if we deprive others of this social contact using punishments
like solitary confinement it can cause some serious problems such as heart
disease, depression, and premature death.
When we are rejected socially our brains actually respond in the same
way as when we are experiencing physical pain.
We form bonds quickly, even when we don’t need to. I am a person who frequently talks to others
while waiting in line (my kids were always embarrassed when I did that). I am not sure why I do this, but I suppose
it has to do with a shared experience of not having anything else to do while
waiting, or just being miserable that I am wasting my time in this line –
misery loves company! Others I know form
bonds with people during an elevator ride in the hospital or while riding up to
a job interview. Or, on the long ride down, when you’re not sure if you “landed
the job”. We seem to be drawn to these
conversations. You don’t have to look very far to see that we
are programmed to affiliate with others.
One of the most famous psychological studies on the concept
of affiliation was done by Stanley Schacter in 1959. Working as a social psychology professor at
Yale University, Schacter was interested in studying our motivation to be with
other people in the same space. He
divided the students who volunteered for his experiment into two groups. The first group was instructed by a severe,
mean-tempered research assistance by the name of Dr. Zilstein who told them
that they were going to be severely shocked during the experiment, and these
shocks were going to be painful. The
other group met a “mild mannered” professor who told them that they would
receive shocks that would feel no worse than a “tickling” on their hands. The groups were then told that they had to
wait for the experiment to begin. They
could choose to wait alone in a separate room or they could choose to wait
together with others. Where do you think
the students in Dr. Zilstein’s group chose to wait? You guess it, with others! The moral of the story (experiment) in times
of stress we prefer to be with others.
Although affiliation is important, we humans seem to need
more than to just “hang out” with each other.
Most of us are also looking to belong, feel as if we are a part of a
group. This belonging seems to involve
two important factors: frequently
positive interactions with others (doing things together that are fun!!), and a
stable, enduring relationship (meeting in an elevator one time just isn’t the
same as an enduring friendship). Maintaining
close personal relationships where we feel like we belong is probably the
single most important factor in human happiness and life satisfaction. We need to be needed and feel that we belong.
If the need to belong is not fulfilled and we feel rejected
by others we can experience severe emotional turmoil. Believe it or not, this distress can even be
felt when we are rejected by a computer. When people are rejected by unknown
internet partners while playing computer games, they actually change their
behavior and even risk losing the game to ensure they are not rejected
again. Amazingly these same behaviors
occur if people in research studies are told that they are playing against a
computer and not other humans!! We
change our behavior to make sure the computer doesn’t reject us. What a
powerful need we have for affiliation!
I began this blog post talking about the students in my online psychology class. As we study this concept of affiliation motivation, I always challenge them to think of their affiliations. Are they engaging with others? Do they feel needed and connected to people in their own lives? After all teens and young adults are one of the most vulnerable populations when it comes to feeling rejected and lonely. Often in our class we begin discussing these connections, and my students begin to bond with one another. If you think about it, our class actually fulfills the two components of belonging – weekly interactions (classes) that are fun (at least I think they are), and stable relationships (we meet for 8 months of class, and many students continue to stay in contact after the class has finished). This leads me to believe that even internet class connections are ways to help our students form positive, and in some cases, long term bonds with others. These classes help students fulfill important affiliation and belonging needs.
Bonnie Gonzalez has 36 years of experience as a counselor and is passionate about helping families apply the latest research in their home schools. She teaches Introduction to Psychology for Aim Academy as well as the Secrets of Success mini-course series. Her upcoming Secrets of Success summer course helps students learn how to persevere in the face of failure. You can learn more about the seven week course here.
Watch as Dr. Karen Joseph performs four more candy science experiments. Each of these packs a real WOW factor. Then grab the handout below so you can try it at home.
