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Category: by Debra Bell

Help! My Child Hates Writing
So your child says he hates to write. What’s a homeschool parent to do? Believe me, I feel your pain. Teaching writing classes for thirty years, I’m no stranger to students who dread writing. With experience, though, I found some strategies that work. I love the challenge of convincing reluctant writers that they have something worthwhile to say.

Start here: Why does your kid hate to write?

Figure out why your child hates to write–ask. If she doesn’t know, then observe when the resistance sets in. Is it during the planning stages? (I can’t think of anything to write about!) Maybe it’s the fear of making a spelling mistake (tell him spelling doesn’t matter here). Or, your student is tired from all the handwriting (many curriculums require too much of this.)

Once you have some insight into the root of the problem, become partners in removing those barriers. Tackling the challenge together will show your teen how to solve her own roadblocks to learning going forward.

In my experience, I find two big reasons students hate to write:

1. Kids dread writing because they lack self-confidence.

They don’t like the way their words sound, and they believe others will view what they’ve written negatively. They think their ideas are stupid or their grammar and spelling are unacceptable. If this is the fundamental roadblock, create a writing environment that guarantees success and affirmation. Avoid situations (like a graded class) where perceived failure might occur.

2. Kids dread writing because the physical demands of handwriting (or keyboarding) suck up precious energy.

Your child’s attention span is a limited resource. If the physical act of creating a written piece saps his energy, then move the physical act of writing on to someone else’s plate (yours). Work on developing the stamina required for handwriting or keyboarding in other subjects.

Neither of these two barriers to confident writers may fit your child. One of the joys of homeschooling is learning how our kids tick–then tailoring our program to fit each kid. What barriers do you suspect influence your child’s dread of writing?

Once I’ve figured out what underlying obstacle is in the way, I select from my arsenal of strategies that have worked in the past:

Ten Writing Hacks to End the Struggle
1. Deescalate the hostilities.
  If your kids have strong negative emotions about an assignment, their ability to create will be compromised. Positive emotions enhance our creativity and cognitive functioning. Change the requirements of the assignment. Change the assignment. Eliminate the threat of a grade. Never share something a student has written with others without the student’s permission.
2. You write too.
  You will be surprised by how engaged your teen becomex when mom or dad take on the assignment too. They will be eager to see what you produce. And, more importantly, you will gain a lot of empathy and insight into the struggles of a young writer as you try to answer the prompt as well.
3. Create a spark.
  Do something different, take a field trip, bring in a surprise visitor, read a story, share a unique image etc. Then ask your kids to write about the experience. Do it right away, while the moment is fresh in their minds. Or, when something unexpected happens, seize the opportunity to use that as a writing prompt for everyone. Enjoy comparing perspective later on.
4. Have your kids write responses to questions.
  Relate the questions to one central idea and increase them in complexity. Here’s how I might help students start a short story:
  - Pick a name for your character.
  - Is your character a boy, girl, animal, fantastic creature?
  - How old is your character?
  - What does your character look like?
  - Where does your character live?
  - Who are your characters’ parents?
  - Who is your character’s best friend?
  - What are your character’s favorite hobbies?
  - What is a big problem your character is facing?
  - Who is preventing your character from solving this problem?
  - Who is helping your character solve this problem?
  - How does this big problem get worse?
  - What will happen if your character can’t solve this big problem?
5. Ignore irregular spelling, please!

When we emphasize correct spelling in anything other than a final draft, we limit what kids will write to the words they can confidently spell. This produces very boring, stilted writing. Let them use their full vocabulary and commend them for reasonable guesses. Celebrate any attempt to use new words, even if not technically correct. Most confident teen writers were once wildly experimental elementary writers. Spelling is an interesting cognitive skill that has little to do with a child’s writing ability. It is more connected to the strength of a child’s visual memory skills. My twin sons were natural spellers. My two daughters were inventive spellers. I’m a not a natural speller either. I didn’t use a spelling program with any of my kids. My daughters’ spelling improved by high school, but they had to use spell checkers and me to edit their work. Because my students were typically in high school, I did circle words that were misspelled in their final drafts, but I did not deduct points.

6. Let your kids dictate their thoughts to you.

Whether it is the beginning of a short story, a personal essay, or a research paper—the first step in transforming thoughts into formal written language is to state those thoughts aloud. (I frequently talk to myself when I’m writing.) With older kids you might negotiate an arrangement where you record one paragraph, and then they record the next. Or, you might agree to record the first page and then they take over from there.

7. Encourage your kids to just start writing anything on the page.

The key is to get the composing process underway. Coherent ideas often begin to emerge about half way down the first page. The act of writing has a reciprocal effect on our thinking. As we write, our brains become more capable of organizing our thoughts into a logical progression of ideas.

8. Write every day.

Clear the schedule of all other distractions and ask your kids to write for 15 minutes. Set the timer. Don’t give up. Stick to it. By the end of the first week, you should start to see less effort and more enthusiasm for the act of composing.

9. Have your kids read what they write to the dog.

Truly, a pet is an indispensable life hack for every homeschool program. If you don’t have a pet, then a stuffed animal will do in a pinch. But pets make the ideal listener—no judgement, just love and affirmation. Lots of kids became confident readers and writers because the family dog/cat/fish/rabbit always had time to listen.

10. Co-author with your child.

Professional writers do this all the time and it’s a smart way to produce more writing. Work on some pieces together—they will love this together time. Collaborate with your child wherever a barrier to writing exists. Some of my own kids were in middle school, and I was still collaborating with them in authoring or typing a paper. (If you child is in a co-op class, just clue the teacher in so there are no misunderstandings.)

If none of these work, let me know, please. I’m happy to brainstorm with you. No matter what, don’t eliminate writing from your homeschool program. Our kids need to leave home confident, capable writers—it’s an essential skill that will open the doors to their futures.

Need more inspiration? Read this next:

Three Powerful Reasons Kids Need to Write.

We can help you raise a writer: Check out Aim Academy English classes. For all ages and all skill levels. Read our reviews.

Join My Mission — Raise a Writer in Residence

I’m passionate about helping parents raise writers in residence in their homeschools. I’d love to hear from you—what writing successes and struggles have you experienced in your homeschool? Anything I’ve missed in this post that you’d like to share? Connect with me on Facebook and at DebraBell.com.

Aim Academy offers writing-intensive English classes. See our selection here. We’d love to help you experience success in your homeschool journey.
April 14, 2022
3 Easy Ways to Help Your Child Learn Anything
1. Retrieve It

Every time your child recalls what she is learning, she thickens the neural pathways to that information in her long term memory. Research shows that recall practice is more powerful than almost any other learning strategy. You can help your child accelerate this process by routinely asking questions about what she is studying.
- What did you study today in math?
- Explain to me how to solve this kind of problem.
- What are the reasons this historical event happened?
- Tell me about the process of photosynthesis again.
Every time your child recalls specific details or re-solves a problem, such is 3×5, that information becomes slightly more fixed in his long term memory. And he becomes just a bit faster at retrieving it.

Once your child can retrieve this information effortlessly, move on to retrieving newer learning.

2. Question It

This is what a healthy brain does: It craves new information because learning fuels cognitive growth. Without effort, your child’s brain calls questions to mind to pique his curiosity and to motivate him to engage in learning. Raising questions. Asking questions. Pondering questions. These are the indicators of a healthy, growing brain.

Your child participates in this process by purposefully raising questions about what she is learning—Don’t require her to immediately find answers. It is merely enough for her to ponder questions about the subjects she is studying.

You can maximize this strategy by asking your child to write his questions from the school day in a special journal. He doesn’t have to write the answers down—just the questions. You don’t want to make this task laborious. It should be fun and rewarding.

At the end of each week, sit down and discuss these questions with her—talk about any answers she may have found or theories she has formulated. Ask what new questions have emerged. The act of raising questions about what she is learning fires active learning—a brain on high alert for answers—a brain primed to make connections to prior learning—a brain attentive to the subjects she is studying.

If your child asks you to answer a question he has—please do! But otherwise, just let the answers present themselves naturally over time.

3. Draw It

Finally, ask your child to use that special journal to draw pictures about what she is learning. We think in pictures. We remember more details about information and events attached to images (not words). As we read text, we convert what we are reading into a movie in our mind—the words themselves do not scroll across the screen—the pictures we associate with them do.

Again, just as with the previous two strategies, we can contribute to these automatic brain activities by intentionally engaging in them—drawing a picture about the word problems from a math lesson or the processes in a science book or the events in your history studies will help him remember more details about those lessons.

Want to know the 20 Power Tools of Learning? Download a free printable here.
August 25, 2021
8 Reasons Homeschooling Works . . . And Tips for When It Doesn’t
After I finished homeschooling our kids, I headed back to school to complete a Ph.D. in educational psychology. I wanted to know how kids learn best. Wouldn’t that be helpful information for homeschooling moms and dads?

Researchers have studied how children learn for more than a hundred years. We have a substantial body of knowledge and consensus among scientists on many aspects of learning. One day in class I had an ah-ha! moment. I realized all our research points to one obvious conclusion:

If we built a school based on how kids learn best . . . we’d build a home.

How’s that for some liberating good news? And, doesn’t it make complete sense? A child’s optimal learning environment is the one God designed: a family.

Now, here’s the caveat—we can miss the opportunities our homes afford our kids to learn. We’ve got to nurture the advantages and eschew practices that undermine their learning.

Let me unpack this with eight major findings. (These results should correlate with your own learning experience. How kids learn best and how adults learn best is not that different.)
1. Kids learn best when they believe their teacher and fellow students care about them.
Have you ever taken a class where the teacher didn’t even know your name? Worse, how about a situation where you suspected that the teacher or another student didn’t like you? What did that do for your confidence and motivation? Think about the effect circumstances like these would have on each of your kids. Conversely, think of a learning situation you really enjoyed or you put forth your best effort. Was the teacher or mentor personally invested in your success and well-being? Did you feel included? Didn’t that help you to push yourself?

No one cares more about your kids than you do. There’s a lot of power in this truth—even the best teachers can’t be invested in them like you are. When conflict arises, hit pause. Wrap your arms around your brood and talk it through. Learning will be a slow slough until relationships are restored. (And, celebrate the freedom you have to hug your kids. Sadly, classroom teachers can’t do that anymore.)

Motivation skyrockets when we fill our homes with affirmation. I posted notes in strategic places to remind myself to be nice and praise my kids (but I’m sure you don’t have this problem). Get your kids in on the game plan too. They need to know that they have a lot of power to undermine or propel your success and the success of their siblings. You will be the best homeschool teacher possible when you feel loved and affirmed. And, your children’s learning will soar in an atmosphere that exudes warmth and affection.
1. Kids learn best when they have opportunities to pursue their interests.
As a classroom teacher, I knew this. But, I just couldn’t allow ninety students that freedom–I was paid to keep them in their seats and away from the windows. No, you can’t look outside! Eyes front while I teach you about what is out there. What a shame because interest indicates readiness. Is your child interested in what the letters on the page mean? Then your child is ready to learn how to read. Is your child curious about dinosaurs? Then dive in now before his or her interest wanes.

Our son, Gabe, got fascinated with the physics of flight when he was seven. What a joy to have the ability to drop what we were doing and head to the library to check out all the books on the topic. Many were way above his reading level, but his interest accelerated his comprehension. Dad bought Estes rockets and taught Gabe how to launch them from our backyard. (Neighborhood kids were asking to be homeschooled when they saw all the action at our house!) We all went to an airshow. Even Gabe’s siblings and moi got caught up in his enthusiasm for flight. By the end of his exploration, Gabe could explain how planes fly better than most high school students–even I remember what we learned to this day.

Think of the lost opportunity if I had said, hang in there, buddy, we’ll get to that in fifth grade. Right now the second grade science standards require us to study plants. It’s a good thing we took advantage of Gabe’s interest when it appeared. By fifth grade he was no longer interested in flight. His attention had turned to rocks.

Interest is powerful stuff–go with it. It awakens the brain and facilitates deeper learning. Homeschooling works when kids have a lot of freedom and leisure to follow their own pursuits. It empowers them, and they’ll take more responsibility for their education. Fill your home with fascinating, worthwhile things to explore. Banish the media and twaddle to a dark corner or grandma’s (guilty). Then sit back and watch the magic–or better yet, dive in with them.
1. Kids learn best when they can make choices and participate in decisions about their learning.
Test this against your own experience. How much motivation would you have if someone made you homeschool your kids? How about if someone else assigned the curriculum and determined the schedule you follow? Doesn’t this finding make complete sense? When we have no voice or control, our motivation wanes. We invest the greatest time and effort in areas of our lives where we have freedom to choose and the opportunity to be heard. Kids are wired just like we are.

This doesn’t mean we have to let our kids run the show—but they should have a seat at the table. Give your kids as much choice and involvement as their age and maturity allows. Young children can choose between two books to read; teens are ready to choose what classes to take. Young kids can participate in setting the schedule for the day; teens can manage their time. Invite younger kids to weigh in on the curricula you are considering, while teens can bring their choices to you for your thoughts. A collaborative relationship with your kids may feel time-consuming at first, but you will be so glad you went this direction as your teens take on more and more responsibility, and your time is freed up to concentrate on little ones.
1. Kids learn best when they can observe older students who model what success looks like.
Kids learn more in a multi-age setting than a room filled with age-mates. (It’s why the one-room schoolhouse worked.) A multi-age setting allows younger kids to see older kids achieving success in areas they are just starting to learn about. This visual gives them confidence that, with time and effort, they too will achieve success. Peer modeling also makes the steps involved in progress apparent. Having only an adult (like a teacher at the front of the room) as a model of success is too big a gap.

If your child is the oldest of siblings or an only child, join a co-op or activity that includes kids of multiple ages. Our homeschool drama troupe has a wide range of ages in our productions—it is striking to note the acting chops our youngest members have by the time they reach high school. They’ve had the advantage of watching the kids ahead of them go from stage fright to accomplished actors. Keep this finding in mind—kids learn more from observation than instruction.
1. Kids learn best when they have a teacher who is available to provide feedback and support.
I believe I was a dedicated high school English teacher. But with ninety students a day, my goal was to return essays within a week. Even that was too big a lag between submitting the assignment and receiving feedback. My students’ lives were eons beyond that assignment by the time I returned their papers—few gave my feedback more than a glance. The more immediate the feedback, the more useful it is to students.

I remember a day my youngest, Kristen, was working on some math exercises. As I took a moment to observe her progress, I saw she was forgetting to carry and borrow when needed. It was a simple matter to review those steps together and have her correct her mistakes. (No tears. No drama.) What a different story if I hadn’t looked at her work until the end of the week—she would have completed several math pages by then and repeatedly reinforced her mistakes. The more we practice a procedure incorrectly (like solving a subtraction problem) the more difficult it is to unlearn our errors.

I realize that your time is limited—so prioritize being available when kids are learning the proper procedure for completing a task. With other types of assignments, I asked my kids to schedule appointments with me if they wanted help on a project or composition. I always tried to get with them within the day. Being available to help when asked is key. (You can also involve older siblings in this responsibility—explaining something to a younger child reinforces learning in both students. Isn’t that amazing? Another finding that explains why homeschooling works!)
1. Kids learn best when what we ask them to do matches what they are ready to learn.
God has created this fabulous process called development, and each kid has a unique timeline for his or her cognitive growth. We need to cooperate with God’s game plan for each of our kids. We don’t stress out when a child’s physical development is not the same as a peer’s. If our child is two inches shorter than an age-mate, we don’t bring in specialists to figure out how to help him or her catch up. We don’t start remediation exercises. We understand that physical growth is not standardized. But we are conditioned by our own school experiences to believe cognitive growth is. If our child is not reading by age seven, we believe our child is behind. We worry that we are not doing something right when the real reason may simply be that the child is not developmentally ready yet.

This is the fundamental problem with Common Core standards (yep, I’m going there). Not a single developmental psychologist was involved in developing them. These standards don’t account for the wide degree of variance kids of the same age can have in cognitive growth. Some kids mature physically early. Others mature late. We understand this is normal. But, variance in cognitive abilities among children until after adolescence is also normal development. How abusive to make kids believe they are behind because some peers develop cognitively a bit earlier than they do. That’s what the current high-stakes testing climate in our schools is doing. It is harming kids. (One reason homeschooling is growing worldwide, even where illegal, is parents in Asia and Europe have seen what high-stakes testing does to children, and they believe they are saving their kids from harm.)
1. Kids learn best when they can experience what they are studying firsthand.
God gave us five senses for a reason. Each one has a limited capacity for processing information. However, our capacity multiplies when we use more than one sense to process new information. When all five senses are involved, our brain’s capacity to learn is exponential. If I read a book about elephants, I will remember some of what I learn. If I watch a documentary about elephants, I will remember even more. But if I travel to Africa to see elephants in their natural habitat, I sure won’t forget that, and my recall will be extensive and vivid forever.

Textbooks are at best a tool to help us save time. As a learning aid, they are limited. Schools have no other real option because they are mass educating. But homeschoolers do. I’m not saying throw the curriculum out the window—but our kids will remember most what they experience. So, make the most of the freedom we have. Liberally link field trips to what you study. And choose to study what your kids can experience whenever possible.
1. Kids learn best when they have plenty of physical activity, sunshine, and fresh air.
Not only did God intend for us to use all five senses to learn, He situated us on the third rock from the Sun intentionally too. The Earth is brimming with the data our brains are built to process. Our kids need to get outdoors and start processing! Exploring God’s creation promotes brain health. This is one reason I travel. I’m keeping my aging brain healthy. I’ve got to keep processing new information if I want to stay young—just like I’ve got to keep active. Research shows just fifteen minutes in nature increases our cognitive capacity. (What a shame that recess is being eliminated in many school schedules.) We intuitively know this to be true—We go outside to clear our heads, take deep breathes to calm down, walk to help us think straight. We gravitate naturally toward what is best for us.

When you consider these eight findings about learning, it’s obvious why homeschooling works. You’re probably already doing most of these without thinking about it. Our optimal learning environment is the one God has designed—the family and His creation—and it fits our kids (and us) like a glove.
March 13, 2022
Homeschool for Success: High School Planning Grid

Use this planning grid to map out a high school homeschool program that ticks all the boxes.

I learned a nifty strategy from my kids’ math program one year: Work backwards. Since then, it’s become a life mantra. Want to end up in a happy career? Start at the end and figure out each of the necessary preceding steps along the way, one by one. Want to end up with a college-ready senior? Plan the senior year first, then the junior year, and so forth all the way back to 8th grade. This strategy will help you make sure you don’t skip something important and ensure you allow adequate time for the priorities.

Your high school plan will get revised many times, but keeping the current draft front and center will help you and your collegebound kid say no to opportunities not on the pathway. (A common pitfall is trying to do too many things during high school instead of a few things really well.)

I created a planning grid when I wrote the Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling Teens and a copy of it also appears in the appendix of The Ultimate Homeschool Planner I created for Apologia.

Download a blank planning grid here.

Download a sample high school plan for a competitive scholarship candidate here.

Collegebound homeschooler? Checklist of classes, tests, and experiences by graduation.

June 9, 2021
3 Powerful Reasons Kids Need to Write
Writing is a powerful learning tool for your homeschool.

#1 Write to Learn

One of the great mysteries facing homeschool parents is how to help kids become confident writers. In my experience, we often make this task harder than it needs to be. Mostly, kids just need time they can count on to write—and for three critical reasons. Writing is the art of transforming what we think into words. That process is the first reason writing should be a fundamental part of your homeschool program. Writing is a powerful learning tool—perhaps the most powerful one at your disposal. The secret to raising confident writers is having a regularly scheduled time where your kids write about what they are learning.

“I don’t know what to write!” We’ve all heard this complaint and experienced it ourselves. Yes, that is the crux of the issue – our kids don’t know what they think, what they believe, what they know, or what they understand. The real power in writing comes from their struggle to find the words to express their thoughts. That is when their brains are growing—making connections, pondering questions, sorting and classifying details and experiences—all to figure out what it is they have to say. Cheer your kids on with this truth—every moment they spend drafting and polishing an essay or story is building a better brain. The more kids write, the faster their brains will work. Research shows that kids who write are better learners (in all subjects) than kids who do not.

Test Me On This

Try this experiment for one week and see what results you achieve:

Once a day ask your kids to write for at least 15 minutes about what they are learning. Don’t limit this to school subjects. Everything they experience and read is fair game. The goal is to get them busy transforming their thoughts into words. Help them get started with these writing prompts:
1. What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday?
2. What did you think a lot about today? Why?
3. What did you read about today that you found interesting?
4. What did you study that you want to know more about?
5. What did you see, hear, smell, touch, and feel today that you want to remember?
Notice how once kids have a regularly scheduled time they can count on to write, they begin to have more to say and the words flow more quickly.

#2 Archive Their Childhood

What your children write captures their intellectual history. The stories, essays, and reports your kids create as they grow will become the archives of their childhood. The writing portfolios my own four children produced during our homeschooling years are among my most precious possessions. This amazing journey toward adulthood is worth capturing and treasuring forever. Do you mark your children’s physical growth on a wall in your home? In the same way, we should mark and celebrate their cognitive growth. Both are signs of God’s love and care in their lives.

Consider the experiences, books, and people your children will wish you had preserved memories of from their growing up years. Get them writing about these now! Yes, document all these memories with your camera phone, but then use the photos as writing prompts to get your kids’ creative juices juicing. It is fine to keep these assignments informal. It isn’t necessary to draft, revise, and polish everything children write. Writing every day is the goal. (I asked my four kids to work on a writing project four times a week. Fridays I reviewed what they wrote.)

Ask your kids to write about why something happened or how it affected them, in addition to answering the questions “who,” “what,” “where,” and “when.” The latter fact-based questions do not require kids to think as deeply about their experiences as the “why” and “how” questions do.

Read What They Write Often

Then take time each week to read and savor together what your kids have written. Talk about it. Ask them what they like best about each entry. Point out where you see improvement. Let them know what you enjoy and find most interesting. Seeing improvement is critical to anyone’s ongoing motivation, so be a cheerleader and enthusiastic writing coach. At least once a year take out your children’s previous writings and compare these with their current year’s work. Together notice how each child is growing as a thinker, learner, and writer.

#3 Capture Their Voices

In my opening letter to students in Writers in Residence, volume 2, I write “your ideas, memories, investigations, and stories are all part of what makes you you right now in this time and place—and that is worth saving.” That brings me to the third powerful reason kids need to write. . .

Writing gives voice to each child’s individuality. If there is one thing God obviously loves, it is our diversity. Throughout creation we see the abundance of His creative spirit overflowing—no two snowflakes alike; no end to the different species of plants and animals we discover. God is more glorified when we put what makes us unique on display. Forget about assigning those formulaic essays that you also hated to write in school. Instead focus on helping your kids express with words what only they have thought, experienced, or imagined. We need the God-given voice of each child to be captured, polished, and shared.

Language is an amazing grace from God and a gift to steward and revel in. When we teach children to write, the benefits of skill and confidence in crafting words will open doors for them and help lead them into their futures.

Cast a Vision for Writing

Most of us learned to write through meaningless assignments for a nonexistent audience. That is the main problem – writing should be authentic. Authentic writing always has a living, breathing reader on the other side. Whatever writing projects you assign in your homeschool, make sure your children are writing for real people that they care about and look forward to sharing their finished product with—Grandma, a writer’s group, friends, their family members, and you.

Give your children a vested interest in their writing projects by letting them choose what they write about. Even if you require them to tackle a specific form of writing, such as a research paper, personal essay, or opinion piece, make sure the topic is one that matters to them.

Cast a vision for God’s purposes and design in your children’s creativity. Inspire them to see writing as an expression of their individuality that God and you both love. Infuse your writing time with lightheartedness and freedom. While suggestions for improvement are helpful, grading a writing assignment is a stress-producing proposition. We all produce our best work when we are filled with enthusiasm and joy for the task at hand.

Got a reluctant writer? Read this next:

Help! My Child Hates Writing

Why I Am On a Mission

I have taught literature and writing for more than thirty years –online, in homeschool co-ops, and conventional classrooms–I’ve seen firsthand how becoming a confident writer powerfully impacts a child’s intellectual growth and self-esteem. I believe it is a holy calling to use God’s glorious gift of language to draw attention to His creativity and unique expression of Himself in each of us. I’d love to hear from you—what writing successes and struggles have you experienced in your homeschool? Anything I’ve missed in this post that you’d like to share? Connect with me on Facebook and at DebraBell.com.

Join My Mission — Raise a Writer in Residence

I’m passionate about helping parents raise writers in residence in their homeschools. I’d love to get your feedback about this article (give you some practice transforming your thoughts into words!) Connect with me at debrabell.com or join my Facebook group about raising a writer.

Debra Bell’s Aim Academy also offers writing-intensive English classes. See our selection here.
February 27, 2020
Homeschool Survival
Some day you and your kids will tell your grandchildren how your family survived Covid-19. Start writing your unique story together now.

Under quarantine and conditions of uncertainty, homeschooling has different goals from those during normal times. Here’s how to lean into that . . .

Prioritize relationships.

When stressful conditions abound, focus on your family’s well being, safety, and health. Academics can wait. Kids will catch up later. The lesson right now is showing your children how to manage uncertainty, how to be there for one another, how to be good neighbors, and how to stay safe and healthy. This is a teachable moment like no other! Seize the day.

Attend to your own well being first.

Your kids are looking to you to set the tone and reaction to world events outside of our control. Attend to your emotional and spiritual needs first so you can support others. What does that look like for you? A quiet time of Scripture reading or meditation first thing in the morning? A consistent routine of exercise or morning walk? A chance to catch up with girlfriends in a casual Zoom meetup once a week?

It’s not heroic to deny yourself in these trying time. You may have a few superpowers (most home school moms do), but you aren’t super human–stress is depleting. Your family’s well being depends on your well being first.

Empathy is everything.

Empathy is the ability to understand and feel what another is experiencing, even if it is not how we are responding. It is stepping into the other’s shoes and coming alongside them in a way that validates their experiences.

When your children are afraid or angry about how the restrictions affect them, do you tell them they shouldn’t feel that way? Or do you say you understand? Do you admit you sometimes have those emotions too? Empathy is the latter, and it is empowering. Real change is more likely when our feelings are validated than when they are judged or dismissed. A lack of empathy from those who matter to us compound our negative emotions with shame and guilt. Now we are in an even deeper hole with no one to help us dig ourselves out.

Empathy is not a natural response when we’re all under stress and dependent on one another. We have to choose to be empathetic. Consider adding a regular time to the routine when family members can talk about how they are doing and each person can experience the affirmation and validation of others. Showing your kids how to express empathy toward parents and siblings is also part of this unprecedented teachable moment.

Once-in-a-lifetime memories.

Finally, what lasting memories can you make with your children right now? What will your unique pandemic family story be?
- Sewing face masks for neighbors?
- Creative social distancing events?
- Making a scrapbook?
- Completing a 1000 piece puzzle then framed for posterity?
- Binge-watching a series together?
- Learning a new game or hobby?
- Applauding local health care workers?
It doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to be memorable, and then retold over and over again (just like your grandparents mined the Great Depression and WWII for all it was worth.) This is our moment, let’s make the most of it with our families.

Stay safe. Stay healthy.
April 7, 2020